Eternally Wandering, means Forever Lost

Running Away

2008-10-02T09:11:00.000-07:00

Stop telling me it's going to be okay,
Nothing's going to make me stay,
Try to understand why I say what I say,
When I say I'm running away,

I'm leaving this place,
And the past that I can't erase,
Please give me one last embrace,
Before I run away in disgrace,

Please don't tell me I should stay,
I've led everything into disarray,
Trust me, trust me when I say,
I'll be back some day...

Author's Note: This poem is inspired by Midnight Hour's Running Away. Keep in mind it does not represent what I wish to do, but rather is just a story I concocted up that was inspired by the emotional pull of the song.

I hope it is enjoyable

In Love

2008-09-08T06:21:00.000-07:00

This boy just wanted to play,
But somewhere along the way,
Fate had something better to say,
“You’ll care for her, each and every day”,

So he looked at her curiously,
And at that moment was struck silly,
He fell in love, and loved her dearly,
And his past became history,

And so for the first time,
He truly fell in love,
An emotion simple yet sublime,
With her, he fell in love…

Author's Note: For you

In My Arms

2008-08-03T01:14:00.000-07:00

My hands on your back,
Your lips on my neck,
My hands all over you,
Our moans rare and few,

Your lovely hair in my face,
As we sleep in each others' embrace,
Your smell so sweet and near,
I pour all my secrets into your ear,

Waking up to your smile,
We're entangled, clothes in a pile,
All that matters is that you're here,
In my arms, my dear.

Author's Note: I lost all my previous works. They're no more on my computer. I feel lazy to save them each one by one off this blog but I believe I should do that. Some unpublished work of mine are also gone... Those... They'll never come back. the incomplete story called Subway will be left incomplete I guess. Isn't that sad?

Newsflash

2008-07-21T21:05:00.000-07:00

Faced a bump in my application process. Some documents hasn't been certified yet.

Oh wait, make that two. My mother just accidentally told me my father owes the bank 60-70k and is close to bankruptcy. If he announces that, assets will be frozen and it's bye bye SCSU. Cause his name is in a lot of things. Sigh.

Good news on the other hand is that I did well for my makeup test. Or so I would like to believe.

Bad news however is that I've been disappointing the girl I love.

You're My "Air Supply"

2008-07-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Cry,
Please don't lie,
When you avoid my eye,
It makes me want to cry,

Hi,
Please don't let the conversation die,
When you end so quickly with a bye,
It makes me want to cry,

Why,
There's a reason you don't reply,
But my imagination isn't my ally,
It makes me want to cry,

Try,
To find out what you imply,
Without getting you awry,
Please don't say goodbye,

Don't put a wall between us,
Because there's nothing worse,
But I'm probably overreacting,
Just telling you I'm here for you, for everything.

The Sky Wasn't Candy

2008-05-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

What oh what is that big blue thing?
Covering hovering over this beautiful spring,
With fluffy white puffy cottons in it,
It's so pretty is it something I can eat?

What could it be that rumbling sound?!
And where oh where would is it bound?!
From afar I see the hulking abyss,
Coming surrounded with a black vengeful mist,

Together they clashed the demon and angel,
But it was one-sided, there was simply no battle,
Everything beautiful was devoured,
And on it went, the demon empowered.

Author's Note: Once again, I ended up writing my analysis of a poem with another "poem". This is based on e.e.cummings's The Sky Was Candy.

What our class was supposed to do was to try to re-imagine the scene through the eyes of a child, and write it out our own way.

I imagined that a naive fairy-tale loving child with a little imagination would probably see it this way, of course minus the flowery (or not) language I used.

I'm still stuck with the idea that young kids would probably be a little bit shocked at those old noisy dirty rumbling locomotives at first sight lol.

----------------
Now playing: Bat For Lashes - Horse and I
via FoxyTunes

The Death of Richard Cory

2008-05-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am at peace,
For death is my release,
An end to past, present and future,
I am simply, here,

In life I put on a facade,
The dream in everyone's heart,
In life I seem noble and polite,
But they know not the insecurities I hide,

Never satisfied with all that I have,
That's what eventually led to my death,
The same will go to people that looked at me,
And said among themselves "He's got everything, you see?"

------------------------

Author's Note: The continuation of sorts for Edwin Arlington Robinson's poem entitled Richard Cory. Written for my English Literature Appreciation class in ICSJ

Just Tonight

2008-05-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

“It’s okay” they said to me,
“You’re only human after all”,
But after awhile I started to see,
Men just weren’t meant to fall,

I know I’m not the best for you,
I’m only the second in line,
Painful to admit but it’s true,
I wonder if out of ten am I even a nine,

My insecurities, my inner fears,
And the sharp stab I feel,
They’re my secret, they’re my tears,
These are scars that take time to heal,

I realize I’m not the only one for you,
But you’re the only one for me,
I hide it well but I’m insecure too,
Because it’s better if you didn’t see,

Men are made of steel,
But even superman fears kryptonite,
I hide it well but in the end I still feel,
But I’ll be okay, just give me tonight…

----------------
Now playing: Our Lady Peace - Starseed
via FoxyTunes

I Promised Myself

2008-04-29T07:49:00.000-07:00

Was it all over,
Before it even began?
Too tired to fear,
Maybe this is how it'll all end,

The final full stop to our story,
The last word of the last page,
So much for me to be sorry,
But we've already gone beyond that stage,

Set our history on fire,
Condemn our story into the abyss,
Too much feelings of ire,
The pain'll be over soon, I promise.

----------------
Now playing: Anberlin - Dismantle.Repair.
via FoxyTunes

Predisposed, But Don't.

2008-04-10T04:21:00.000-07:00

Predisposed to forget the good parts,
Every time we hurt each other's hearts,
Don't; please my dear try to remember,
The laughs and comforts, not just these tears,

Predisposed to trust a photograph,
To portray your sweet beautiful laugh,
Don't; I don't believe it ever will,
Your beauty is just so surreal,

Predisposed to fall to my weakness,
It hurts me that you're forced to bear witness,
Don't; please don't turn away from me,
There's so much more that we can be...

Author's note: Somehow I am much less comfortable writing my personal note in DeviantArt. Because I feel that DeviantArt is far from being personal.

It's hard to remember the good times when you're feeling bad. It's a sad fact of life. I make a point though, because I've felt how painful it is to realize later on that I've lost something so wonderful, simply because I was emotional.

I have a slideshow of her photographs running at all times on my computer. We take pictures, thinking it could portray the moment, the memory, the beauty, the smile. Can it really?

I really did not realize that I was making that mistake. That I did not give her an answer all the times that she needed one. And yes, it hurts me terribly. It hurts me because I'm hurting her without knowing it. It hurts me because it's still affecting her until now. But it hurts me simply because I hurt her, unknowingly, when all I want is to love her.

----------------
Now playing: Envy On The Coast - Starving Your Friends
via FoxyTunes

Devil's at my door.

2008-03-22T00:05:00.001-07:00

The devil's at my door tonight,
Walk away before I turn everything into a fight,
It's not a dream not a nightmare not a threat,
Come a little closer I'll show you it's a fact,

I've unlocked the cages and unbarred the doors,
Let the demons roam and wage war,
Against the fragile sanity of my mind,
The gatekeeper's given up, he resigns,

I'm embracing the fury red insanity,
Sanity was but a myth and a fantasy,
Tomorrow I may hold my demons at bay,
But as the Devil greets me, not today.

J.A.S.P - Just Another Silly Poem

2008-03-12T06:07:00.001-07:00

Easily hurt,
Hardly fine,
With death I flirt,
Ignoring passing time,

Bitterly done,
Sweet sorrow,
Life line gone,
But here comes tomorrow,

Bleakly ignorant,
Vividly pushed out,
Never forgotten,
Just too left out.

Author's Note: Oh, contrary to popular practice I will not post this at Winter Trees either. It's not related to Yun do not be mistaken. I've made it a point to not write poetry regarding that issue. However... this is related to Charlotte. It may not make much sense, but then again as long as it does make sense to me it's good enough. There's no specific purpose I wish to achieve, and as much as I owe her many apologies I doubt I am able to say anything aloud. I am just... forget it.

Emotional Death?

2008-03-08T03:02:00.000-08:00

Frustration boiled within him as he fervently tried to write something worth reading. His fingers would fly across the surface of his laptop and the words would form, but each time he would delete them a moment later. Dissatisfaction with his own work. At times like these he couldn't help but to doubt that perhaps Journalism really isn't his line of work. But then again, he has already lost so many certainties in his life he doubts that he can handle a sudden change in this. A boat without an anchor is what he would turn into. With that in mind he brushed off his insecurities. With that in mind he tried to write again.

He couldn't understand which of it was lacking. Was it passion? Or was it skill? Is it the fact that his English skills simply isn't good enough that is holding it back? Or is it because he isn't passionate enough, he isn't feeling enough, that is holding him back?

It hurts when he feels. It hurts when he fails to feel. It hurts all the time in short. The only thing he can do is hope to stitch his heart up as quickly as it tears. It works, not all the time. It works, just tires him out. He's already a skeptic, now he's bordering on being a cynic. With a worried glance into the future, he worries that one day he may become a narcissist.

Wouldn't it be ironic? To find that writing isn't a privilege he has anymore? Wouldn't it be ironic? To turn into a narcissist when it is something he hates tremendously? Wouldn't it be ironic that when he does turn into that, he won't even realize it anymore? Oh life, such an ironic bitch?

Iron Man! The man of Steel, Superman! They both have titles or names that suggest physical invulnerability. The ability to withstand explosions and bullets. Lex Luthor and Warmonger they can take down, but I doubt they can take it if they're abilities and powers are taken away. Look at it that way and I'm not much different from them. I face my demons everyday in the battlefield of my heart and soul. Take away my power to write, feel and heal and I would be like Superman with a costume made of Kryptonite, Iron Man with his pacemaker turned off.

In action games the "Health" bar would glow when one is nearing death. One would then apply the necessary actions to restore the status back to normal. Life is a game without instructions. Life is a game where everything is a quest without clues or directions. I wouldn't know clearly if I'm closing death or not. Perhaps I'm already close to emotional or creative death. Worst of all I don't even know what can be done to amend this situation. In games a helpful tutorial tip or hint would pop up. In life a big middle finger with a smiley face would say "You're F*cked!".

Life isn't a game. Life isn't a comic. Life is but a nightmare you cannot wake up from. Every time you wake from one you end up in another.

Tout le meilleur, mon cher ami

2008-02-26T03:12:00.000-08:00

Lying on the bed,
unmoving,

Staring blankly ahead,
slow breathing,

Hates what she said,
heart wrenching,

She can never be replaced,
unlike what she thinks.

Author's Note: Just random. It's funny how a person can never seem to understand their own importance to another. Oh wells. It kinda sucks when they underestimate their own importance, especially when you've told them many times it's not like that. Perhaps it's just to help so that she'll be fine. If that's the case, Tout le meilleur, mon cher ami.

The Scene

2008-02-26T00:30:00.000-08:00

It was the classical romance drama scene. It was the scene we all can easily predict with a wry smile, yet we willingly allow ourselves to be drawn into it. The one heart wrenching scene which we know perfectly well is going to happen, yet sit through the whole movie for it. A scene that lasts a bare five seconds, yet lingers in our mind for days. You would tell the others you saw it coming, who didn't? Yet the truth remains that you wanted to see it still.

It was the scene where he lowered his head and looked into her beautiful eyes. The climatic scene where their lips embraced each other. You hear the faint whisper of her sigh as her body melted against his. You see the hard edges around his face crumble as he finally accepted his flaws. You see all their differences, but only remember the truth that they love each other.

The camera starts to zoom out. The scene starts to fade. Yet the image lingers in your mind. And with the lingering image comes your own desires and wishes. Your own memories of that one particular kiss. That single moment that made everything else disappear, just like in the movies. That moment where you looked into your partner's eyes, and realized that you're far deeper in than you thought. Yet willingly so, without any sense of regret.

Felt Like A Knife

2008-02-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

The words felt like a knife,
As you walked out of my life,
But a promise made is a promise kept,
I hardened myself and did not crack,

There is only one person to blame,
And I am the beholder of the name,
Time will stop this bleeding,
Time will make it but a scarring,

Another twist in my twisted story,
Another scar to show in glory,
I’ll be fine I will never kneel,
To this literal pain I always feel.

Author's Note: Inspired by the pain felt when burning bridges with someone important.

----------------
Now playing: Secondhand Serenade - Like A Knife
via FoxyTunes

Reflections

2008-01-27T06:41:00.001-08:00

You see in me,
What you wish to be,
But what I show,
Is truth you wish not know,

You see in me,
Reflections of infinity,
Facing each other,
The truth can’t be any further,

Whatever you see in me,
Belies my truth in simplicity,
That is my wisdom,
The truth of which I affirm,

The truth I show,
Is what you don’t wish to know,
Therefore you turn away,
While it eats you day by day,

Yet it keeps me safe,
For I am in essence a waif,
Easily shattered,
Taken for granted,

Love me,
Break me,
I am a mirror,
Reflecting what you see.

Author's Note: I asked Yun to associate me with an object, which she answered Mirror. After a little debate, i realized i've already had the beginnings of a poem forming in my mind. Which is quite surprising as i've not been able to write anything for awhile.

I hope this meets my usual standards, which are quite low in itself in my honest opinion.

And woo... another poem :)

----------------
Now playing: Celine Dion - A World To Believe In (Instrumental)
via FoxyTunes

One

2007-12-30T07:37:00.001-08:00

The words fail me,
As I try to convey,
The beauty I see,
In you every single day,

You lay there,
Eye closed and mind drifting,
Beautiful and unaware,
You gave September spring,

My heart betrayed me,
By falling in love with you,
So unbelievably strongly,
But i’m glad we’re one, not two.

Author's Note: well, this is only a draft actually. it's a 5 minute typed out poem of sorts. i'll re-edit it when i get my lappie. but as of now i think it's decent enough to meet the public eye so here it is! haha.

Rebound

2007-12-20T01:48:00.001-08:00

He would pound the wall,
But it would be pointless,
He’s given it his very all,
But it still stays a mess,

His body shakes with each sob,
As he fumes at his own weakness,
His emotions a murderous rioting mob,
Angry and lusting with a bloodthirst,

Betrayal at its very best,
That’s all he could think of,
All the hints, he should’ve guessed,
But one can be blinded so much by love,

The pain is indescribable,
Flooding and suffocating,
The anger unquenchable,
Yet painfully misleading,

He hides it underneath a smile,
With a joke or two around,
It’ll fool most for a very long while,
At least until he’s managed a rebound.

Author's Note: i've not made any post for some time. at first i was just lacking of inspiration and was caught up with some things i was doing, after that my PC died so yeah. forgive me if this poem sounds like another corny emo poem of mine, because it is. i'm just emoing over having a cheating and conscience-less son of a gun for a father.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: No Use For A Name - It Won't Happen Again
via FoxyTunes

The Life Empty and Amiss

2007-11-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

The car was going at a steady ninety,
The rain was making the road slipper,
Yet the driver didn’t have a care at all,
His attention just decided to go AWOL,

His hands and legs steady as he sped down,
His face always changing, a smile and a frown,
The car was seemingly piloted by another,
For on his mind were all his mistakes, regrets and fears,

Far too obvious but far too late,
He chuckled out loud as he started to overtake,
Who did he think he was fooling anyway?
Just trying to deny the truth day after day,

He swerved to the left and cut to the right,
Never paying much attention to what’s in sight,
Well at this point there’s nothing much he can do,
So he just put the pedal to the metal and flew,

The car accelerated and picked up speed,
Him still oblivious even though his heart missed a beat,
He longed to just drive away, leave everything behind,
But sadly he’s still sane and very much in his mind,

He eased his foot off the accelerator,
And could feel life catching up, getting closer,
There ain’t no running away from it, it seems,
But then one can always have his dreams,

He chuckled once more at how obvious he was,
Ah but then he didn’t know, in emotions he was lost,
There’s naught that he can do at a time like this,
Even though much in his life is empty and amiss.

Author's Note: Hmm. is there such thing as... emotional constipation i wonder? haha. okay but that's beside the point. you know how western movies, the cowboy ones, they like to end with the protagonist riding off into the sunset? well, i had in mind of a person, so caught up in his thoughts he was driving mindlessly... and when aware, wishing desperately to be able to just drive away and leave his past behind you know?

isn't that such a huge temptation? to one day just up and leave and disappear and start anew? past mistakes, all erased? if you can couple that with amnesia, it'd be perfect.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Barenaked Ladies - The Wrong Man Was Convicted
via FoxyTunes

Someone Sweeter.

2007-11-22T16:25:00.001-08:00

Just when I was hurting the most,
I’ve suddenly realized it matter not anymore,
To that I shall raise a toast,
For I finally accepted that I was but a jewelry you wore,

Something you’d put on and take off,
Something that matters little to you,
I’m finally able to smile, not scoff,
A fool I may always be, but no more a fool for you,

I’ll find someone unlike you,
Someone that is sincere,
Someone that wouldn’t be untrue,
Someone, sweeter,

I may sound terribly silly,
But unlike you I’m in no hurry,
I’m finally over you,
That’s a fact I’ll force it true.

Author's Note: I've not written one for sometime. been a little busy and i think i'm in a minor writer's block of sorts. but yeah. i've made up my mind. that'll be the last i ever write for her. i have to admit though, this poem was originally inspired by the song Like You, Only Sweeter. though in the end, the only part that shows a connection is the word sweeter. haha. comments comments?

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Emery - What Makes a Man a Man
via FoxyTunes

Diary

2007-11-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

The faded cover,
The yellowed pages,
The smell of cider,
The passing of ages,

The eyes reading it,
The mind feeling them,
He was forced to take a seat,
The pain couldn’t be stemmed,

The creased fragile paper,
The scribbling upon it,
Story of things that were,
A story told bit by bit,

He placed it back in the drawer,
The painful old memories,
Opening it, he has erred,
He left, the diary.

Author's Note: i've not made a post for sometime... well, what do you think of this? comments comments!

Storm

2007-10-22T09:18:00.000-07:00

The hypnotic rhythm,
Of the falling rain,
It draws me in,
It soothes my pain,

The magnified voice,
Of the booming thunder,
It pierces,
But I won’t be torn asunder,

A misleading flash,
The streaking light,
A defiant stand,
Against the encompassing night,

In the storm,
Where’s my shelter?
Where’s my raincoat?
While I stand alone here?

The unforgiving storm,
The solitary figure,
It hurts yeah it does,
But I’ll be okay, no fear.

Author's Note: It rained the whole day tomorrow. from early in the morning like 4am until 8pm. inspiration enough. comments please?

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Jimmy Eat World - Here It Goes
via FoxyTunes

A Frozen Second

2007-10-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

Time froze,
Tick,
Frozen pose,
Tock?

A moment?
Untainted,
Time spurned,
Untarnished?

In between,
Yet wandering,
I’m unseen,
Unfazed by time,

Wrapped in mist,
It beckoned,
Love and Dream,
The Frozen Second.

Author's Note: I know it's probably very cryptic. but i'd really like some comments regarding this poem. it's somewhat inspired by the movie Cashback. in the sense that... what i was thinking when i was typing this out on MS Word was of Time being frozen, and yet a person being free of the restriction and discovers his/her Dreams and Love. well, i didn't specify as it could be any number of things for anyone.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: The Spill Canvas - Lullaby
via FoxyTunes

Nothing Good

2007-10-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Just twisted threads,
That’s what I see,
In a series of flings,
We’re all played out silly,

Cut the strings,
Snip them all,
End the dreams,
Stop my fall,

Ain’t giving up,
Just losing this,
Sick of all the closeup,
Nothing good to reminisce.

Author's Note: You catch my drift? I'm looking at life, through a somewhat metaphorical manner. if that makes any sense.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: The Early November - Guess What
via FoxyTunes

Slip, Trip, and Fall

2007-10-17T07:15:00.002-07:00

Slip, Trip, and Fall,
The swaying of your hips,
I doubt you heard my call,
But then my voice never left my lips,

Slip, Trip, and Fall,
You always leave me stuttering,
Unconsciously you have me enthralled,
I’m pondering about you and I’m aching,

Slip, Trip, and Fall,
We’d never be lovers I know,
Yet my heartbeat slows to a crawl,
As I see you enter I can barely say Hello,

Slip, Trip, and Fall,
I’ll gladly drown in your eyes,
Slip, Trip and Fall,
Such a romantic fool, this Kai.

Author's Note: Nah. I'd never allow myself to slip trip and fall. nonetheless, a tribute to those who do. ahem.

It's All The Same

2007-10-17T07:15:00.001-07:00

My heart’s running empty,
I’m on the floor on my knee,
Will you listen to my plea?
Cause I’m holding on barely,

Will you give a little piece?
Just enough for my release?
Just for that taste of peace?
Before I fall into the abyss…?

It’s a sickening dirty game,
What has my life became?
The psychedelic lusting flame,
In the very end, it’s all the same.

Author's Note: i'm back. with the same somewhat emo-ish tune to my poems. feeling pretty shitty so yeah.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
via FoxyTunes

Watching, Listening

2007-10-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

Sing like you think no one’s listening,
Sad and delicate, loud and out of key,
For you know it tears up your being,
Everywhere you look she’s all you see,

Dance like you think no one’s watching,
Fast and hip, slow and smooth,
For you know it tears up your being,
How else can this aching be soothed?

Scream like you think no one’s listening,
Livid and deafening, bittersweet and tragic,
For you know it tears up your being,
Every time you think of him kissing her cheek,

Cry like you think no one’s watching,
Depressed and mournful, fitful and sporadic,
For you know it tears up your being,
You can take the years but not the days and weeks,

No one is listening, No one is watching,
I cower in the corner, absorbed in my sorrow,
For it really tears up my soul, my being,
As days go by, morrow by morrow.

Author's Note: i'm just hurting terribly.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Straylight Run - The First of the Century
via FoxyTunes

Russian Roulette

2007-10-04T05:42:00.000-07:00

We’re sitting in a room playing Russian roulette,
The gun to my head, as I look at my Juliet,
The ashes fall as she taps her cigarette,
That look on her face is something I won’t forget,

We’re sitting in a room playing Russian roulette,
My gun just clicks and she looks so upset,
It’s her turn now and she looks dead set,
She pulls the trigger and blood splashes on the gazette,

We sat in that room and played Russian roulette,
The game that's perhaps life’s biggest bet,
I look at you all dressed up in a georgette,
The ending to this story is something I’ll never regret,

Author's Note: Russian Roulette is perhaps the most life threatening gamble ever, since it involves placing your life at the hands of Lady Luck itself. What you do is, usually a few person would sit around a round table, and they would have a revolver. A standard revolver, doesn't matter how many chambers but usually a few. They insert a single bullet into it, and spins the chamber of the revolver so that no one knows when the bullet will fire. Each participant takes turn putting the gun to their head and pulling the trigger, until one of them actually kills themselves.

ladies and gentlemen, Russian Roulette.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Escape the Fate - Not Good Enough For the Truth in Cliche
via FoxyTunes

30. Season's Scent.

2007-09-30T03:50:00.000-07:00

This marks the last of September,
Was foolish of me to think it’d be better,
The laughter couldn’t hide my tear,
As the days go by my pain becomes clearer,

Once in awhile I’d be happy,
But how many days out of the thirty?
Perhaps my month just isn’t mean to be,
The month that would let me be,

The shackles still bound me down,
My worries still make me frown,
Spun in confusion round and round,
Thrown in a crowd, never to be found,

I thought the scars would heal,
And I’d be allowed to feel,
But the days have served to reveal,
That my pain is still pretty much real,

I hoped against all they’d kiss and make up,
It just so happened I was out of luck,
I guess with the troubles I’m permanently stuck,
If only he’d be a little less of a schmuck,

September’s gone it came and went,
Leaving behind the faint season’s scent,
I guess troubles aren’t something you can circumvent,
Well here comes October, and its circus tent…

Author's Note: well... end of the Seasons of September i have to say. Frankly i already feel somewhat sad. end of my project! haha. now, i missed 3 days. i didn't realize i missed one day, i think it slipped my mind. 1 day was when i was too sick to use my head. and the last one was yesterday when i weren't around and was in Port Dickson. haha.

have i failed? well i don't think so. i had fun. i dug a little deeper in to my emotional world. the words could and would come. i'd say it was pretty much of a success. i'll miss the "everyday a poem" stress though. haha.

so. last day of september. i guess the poem should show pretty much of how i've been feeling. though i have left out the study stress part. who needs to know that eh?

well, here comes the circus act known as October! haha. perhaps i'll start another project in November. the November Nights? haha. 1 short story per week? xD

p.s. Penguin! i'm still behind you! haha didn't i say to you that i wouldn't be able to overtake you? hehe.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Craig David - All The Way
via FoxyTunes

28. Just Like The Rest of The World.

2007-09-28T01:46:00.001-07:00

Just like the rest of the world,
Caught in an endless swirl,
There no way that i'm the only,
One that's alone and lonely,

Just like the rest of the world,
Caught in the endless swirl,
I am bruised and confused,
I've been abused and used,

Just like the rest of the world,
Caught in this endless swirl,
We strive just for the machines,
With cups of coffee in between,

Just like the rest of the world,
Caught in the never ending swirl,
I don't want this anymore,
The pain everyone abhors,

Author's Note: Smile empty soul... smile.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Smile Empty Soul - God's Army
via FoxyTunes

26. Car Underwater

2007-09-26T05:16:00.001-07:00

Car underwater,
With plenty of time left,
Death circling nearer,
Awaiting the end of this mess,

What a serene view but,
Hurts to breathe water in,
The end of the line for this nut,
Most probably the catching up of my sins,

Is this how everything ends?
That I would die in a car underwater?
I have seen the end of all my plans,
Would anyone shed any tear?

Still I hold on ever so slightly,
Die! The suffocating air screams,
For it’s time to leave painfully,
You witness my end, with a grin.

Author's Note: an acrostic. suffocating slowly in a car underwater. being found years later. somehow... a pretty interesting idea.

what hurts the most?

25. Release Me.

2007-09-25T07:35:00.000-07:00

I bled,
With a laugh,
At the life I led,

Ain’t scared,
Of imminent death,
It’s just my next step,

Things I cared,
Matters not after all,
A tad painful, a lil sad,

Things I said,
Matters no more,
A lil insane, a tad mad,

Burn me please,
Put my ashes in an urn,
Death’s a release,
Not a punishment…

24. Shiver.

2007-09-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

Dark and damp,
Tears of pain,
Light the flickering lamp,
Almost insane,

Echoing breaths,
Shivering hands,
Life, nothing’s left,
Darkness, waiting at the end,

Struggling heart,
Lethargic me,
Ending right after the start,
Life? What’s there to see?

Cold, Shivering,
Stop it, how?
Nothing’s waiting,
So just end this now.

Author's Note: inspired by my Lecturer, Miss K. No i'm not saying she's like this, but her comment to me inspired this. nothing's waiting at the end.

to Stacie/Ana/Pengu: STOP BEING SO OPTIMISTIC!

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Stars - Today Will Be Better, I Swear!
via FoxyTunes

22. Awaiting.

2007-09-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Carried away by optimism,
Fooled by all the promises,
It’s like falling into a chasm,
Will fear or pain kill you first?

You just forgot a simple small fact,
That people are born liars,
Every single time you’d soften the impact,
After all he’s your one desire,

Too late for you to realize it now,
Already hemorrhaging it’s really too late,
Yet life moves on no matter how,
Take a deep breath and ascend the stage,

To hell with all the memories of what once were,
To hell with all the promises that mean nothing,
Unworthy of even a single lonesome tear,
After all, there’s more in life waiting.

Author's Note: *another* love poem. well, this isn't about me or anything actually. a friend of mine just got dumped by a two timing cheating son of a gun. sounds familiar hmm? so very common. anyways, hoping she'll feel somewhat better after reading this.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Motion City Soundtrack - Shiver
via FoxyTunes

22. "They" Suck.

2007-09-21T22:42:00.001-07:00

My mind a confused mess,
Words that sound foreign to me,
Like a game of chinese chess,
Papercuts on every part i see,

They laugh at me as i throw up,
Cut me some slack they say too bad,
My my isn't this just my horrid luck,
Heart being played a fool by these horrid farts,

My sanity took a leap off the cliffs of life,
Thoughts unbearably incoherent part of me always,
Like the thoughts of an infant as old as day five,
Plagues of intellectuality? Gone are those days,

They lost my marbles and loosened my screws,
Devour my essence but tell me why me?
My goodness change your tactics do something new!
Soul? An idealistic representation of what you wish to see.

Author's Note: who says that life has to be "it" , "he" or "she"? life is such a... vast word. so why not "they"? haha. yeah. "they" are screwing me up. pffh.

anyways, i'm not sure if there's such thing as a double acrostic. or whatever. i'm not even sure of the EXACT definition of Acrostic. does the word Acrostic mean poetry with multiple messages hidden? or is it actually Acrostic Poetry? i'm really not sure.

first word of every line.
last word of every first 2 lines in a verse.

it was originally longer. 2 verses longer. but it might be a little too long so i cut those out.

21. I'll Try.

2007-09-21T08:09:00.000-07:00

I wonder,
And I deter,
I hear,
And I fear,

I think,
My heart sinks,
In a blink,
Gone in a wink,

I cry,
I lie,
I’ll try
To say Goodbye.

Author's Note: am distracted. don't blame me. blame the song.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Secondhand Serenade - Maybe
via FoxyTunes

20. Lust and Love.

2007-09-20T08:02:00.001-07:00

How could you think that of me?,
Quickly you delude yourself,
Lust does not play a part don’t you see?!
Can you put your doubts on a shelf?

Pretend that never happened,
It was but a mistake in my part,
Is your trust in me so misshapen?
Love, whatever happened to the heart?

Fabricating all sorts of stories,
Delusions that are all in your head,
To find out that this is what you see in me,
Withdraw, retreat, run, you fled.

Author's Note: firstly, yunny don't think too much.

secondly, it's inspired by Emery's So Cold I Could See My Breath if you look down. inspired by its lyrics. i love singing to this song.

the meanings contradict each other though. or perhaps... they are but different viewpoints. first word of every line. perhaps i should stop divulging it and see if anyone figures it out?

i have alot of polishing to do when it comes to Acrostics...

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Emery - So Cold I Could See My Breath
via FoxyTunes

19. Make or Break.

2007-09-19T08:33:00.001-07:00

Innocence, always a privilege,
Gone are those days,
Never will I find that one page,
Take me, just take me away,

Friendship is but an illusion,
Personal insults is the latest craze,
If only they’d lose that delusion,
I wish to go back to my early days,

Can’t stand the pressure no more,
Hold it in I’m barely able to,
Myself, unable to settle the score,
Together perhaps? But with who?

Why should I be dependent though?
Should I even consider anyone?
You of all people should know,
Hold it in cause I’m coming undone,

Me, the person who refuses to break,
Now, do or die. Make or break.

Author's Note: i feel like crap. feel like crap. another acrostic.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: Anberlin - Ready Fuels
via FoxyTunes

18. Don't Wake Me Up.

2007-09-18T07:46:00.001-07:00

Devoid of all inner thoughts,
Oblivious to the surroundings,
Nervous about the upcoming shot,
Take your shot, it isn’t about winning,
Whispering a small prayer,
As you propel yourself forward,
Know you’ll end up a failure
Even though you’ll bare all the hurt,
Mustering all that is left of your heart,
Enough is enough you petrify your emotions,
Until the world ends you won’t drop your guard.
Pondering if one day they’ll finally learn…

Author's Note: Acrostic poetry. a friend of mine indirectly introduced it to me, and i was thinking that i should start experimenting with more forms of poetry. was thinking about what my mother's colorgenics profile said, and what mine said, and what she said to me about my eye candy. i came up with this conclusion.

----------------
Now playing on iTunes: The Hush Sound - You Are the Moon
via FoxyTunes

17. Disarray, Decay

2007-09-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

Take a look at me,
Who is it you see?
You see all sorts of personality,
You’ll know me only to a small degree,

I didn’t remove my heart,
And hide it somewhere smart,
I just petrified its every part,
The stone heart, a work of art,

Left, Right?
My future, out of sight,
Indecipherable even with herculean might,
Kneel down surrender without a fight?

Up, Down?
Played a fool by life’s clown,
Whirled and spun round and round,
In perplexity I am eternal bound,

Black and white, shades of grey,
What is color but a fanciful display?
Life in disarray,
We all decay.

Author's Note: omg! 12.06! i'm six minutes late! sorry sorry. my humble apologies. i am feeling somewhat unstable right now, which hopefully would explain the seemingly random choice of words. however, try digging a little deeper, it's not really random. though somewhat cryptic at certain points. trying not to be cryptic i'm hoping it's working.

p.s. my FoxyTunes "Now Playing" function isn't working well with iTunes. no more "Now Playing" signatures... sobs.

16. Masquerade

2007-09-16T06:44:00.001-07:00

The cup of coffee you thought was tea,
The endless abyss you thought was a pit,
Taken for granted cause you thought it’s free,
You’re so full of yourself you piece of shit,

That’s me you’re taking advantage off,
That’s me who you’ll never really know,
You thought you figured me out and scoffed,
Well my friend, you were just an audience at a show,

Not ever was I fooled by your false pretense,
I just thought that all you needed was time,
But then you got carried away with your sinister plans,
Your foolishness, idiocy and amentia is sublime!

Open your eyes and take a look around,
You’re a prisoner of your own charades,
I am beyond you, our differences are profound,
One day, you’ll realize that in life, you can’t masquerade.

Author's Note: i've got no idea where all that came from. really. it just came out very spontaneously. whoosh. the words kept spilling out. to be truthful, i am unsure who this poem is directed to. however, i can easily come up with various names. it's a common happenstance where a good person is easily taken advantage off. tell me, how is a person supposed to be generous *not in the monetary sense* when everyone's a potential masked asshole?

and well, i'd like to dedicate this to a friend of mine, Yvonne, who's celebrating her birthday today. the 16th of September. I'm quite sure she feels the same way as i do in this poem. misunderstood, taken advantage off, yet proud as ever.

comments dudes/dudettes! comments!

15. Salesman!

2007-09-16T06:43:00.000-07:00

The salesman stood at my house's doorstep,
With a ludicrous grin he advertised his product,
"Life! That's whave i have for sale my young lad!"
"You better take my offer now or you're outta luck!"

"With experiences such as love, pleasure and happiness"
"It's really a product you won't wish to miss out"
"It's like the one elixir that'll satisfy all your thirst"
"It'll make you so high you'll be sleeping on clouds"

"Since you're such a fine dashing young man"
"I'll forego all my profit and present it to you free!"
"Just on hold to the product till its contract ends"
"You'll love it! It's the Best! Trust me you'll see!"

I was cheated, tricked, fooled, befuddled, bamboozled,
I was naive, foolish, but ultimately just very gullible,
Never did i think the package comes with Sorrow and Hurt,
Lief really IS a bitch, albeit very subtle.

Author's Note: is it amusing? is it fitting? is it good? inspired by Our Lady Peace. i think the poem speaks for itself. i just thought of door to door salesman and life in general.

14. Pathetic.

2007-09-16T06:42:00.001-07:00

I feel as if I’m running in quicksand,
I go down and down as I go faster and faster,
I doubt that you’d actually consider this friend,
Cause there’s so many others that are better,

I don’t wish to turn into a self delusional fool,
Mistaking things for what they’re obviously not,
Sometimes I really wish I’m Mr Hot & Cool,
Cause maybe then I’d get a possible shot,

Hope will kill us all, period.
Life’s a bitch, and then we die.
But then it’s not the death it’s the hurt,
Of failing terribly when I decide to try.

Author's Note: i swear, the next poem i write won't be a crush based one. i don't even know why i'm writing these. maybe it's cause i wish to have a crush or something. blah.

13. Life's a Bitch.

2007-09-16T06:42:00.000-07:00

I give up asking cause I know you’ll lie,
You’d look me in the eye and say everything’s alright,
I know something’s wrong so I still try and try,
You expect me to be ignorant up till this very night?

I know you’re still here only cause of your children,
While inside your heart’s been ripped to shreds,
I lose sleep every damn night as I toss and turn,
As I think of you sleeping on a separate bed,

I’ll hold myself together as long as you do too,
I'm of your flesh and blood as stubborn as you,
I’ll do my best to help you pull through,
Life's a bitch, what else is new?

Author's Note: well... i won't say who this is for, because i think it's pretty damn obvious.

12. Drip.

2007-09-12T07:12:00.001-07:00

Drip,
From my slit wrist,
My life.

Drip,
From my sad eyes,
My dreams.

Flow,
Gone; my life.
Shattered; my dreams.

Author's Note: Call it laziness to rhyme, call it anything you want. but my mind can only come up with these words, and simple as it is it somehow evokes an image for me. if it does not for you, too bad so sad.

----------------
Now playing: Emery - Miss Behavin'
via FoxyTunes

11. Sing a Song.

2007-09-11T08:33:00.001-07:00

I’ll write and sing a song for you,
If you’ll shout and scream with me,
I’m uninspired and left without a clue,
But then first the promise, then we’ll see,

We could rock the world with Emery,
Shouting bout teenage angst and adolescent lust,
Or we could sing just like John Vesely,
Sharing with the world the story of broken trust,

We could speak our minds like Rise Against,
Actively involved in reshaping our world,
Or maybe go smooth and silky like Darren Hayes?
Driving people crazy! Boys and Girls!

We could pull falsettos like All American Rejects,
Showing our paper hearts and dirty little secrets,
Or we could be emo-styled like MxPx!
Walking 1000 miles till our feet hurts!

But I’m happy as long as it’s you and me,
A guitar in your hands and a rhyme book in mine,
It doesn’t matter what comes to be,
S’long as we’re together we’ll be just fine.

Author's Note: So what do you think? the 2nd poem derived from the same first verse. somewhat song related though... so if you don't know the songs by the artists you might not catch all the references.

----------------
Now playing: Mxpx - Role Remodeling
via FoxyTunes

11. I Will.

2007-09-11T08:32:00.000-07:00

I’ll write and sing a song for you,
If you’ll shout and scream with me,
I’m uninspired and left without a clue,
But then first the promise, then we’ll see,

I’ll hold you close and hug you tight,
If you’ll kiss my lips and embrace my heart,
Every time I see you what a sight,
A conversation? If only I know how to start!

I’ll take your quirks and your mood swings,
If you’ll accept my constant state of ambiguity,
Once in awhile maybe things will sting,
But wouldn’t life be boring if I was less silly?

I’ll crack all the lame jokes in the world,
If you’ll cheer up and accept its humor,
All that matters is your smile girl,
And that sweet sounding laughter,

I’ll be your puppy if what you want is a dog,
I’ll fetch your sleepers and lay at your feet,
I’ll jump at your sight like an electrified shock,
I’ll cuddle with you as you slowly fall asleep.

Author's Note: this poems's first verse somehow ended up as 2 separate poems. meaning i have 2 poems with the same first verse. they're somewhat related in the theme but then not really either. so what should i do? should i post the other one as well?

somehow i like the first verse's first two lines. i'll sing for you, if you'll shout with me.

----------------
Now playing: MXPX - Quit Your Life
via FoxyTunes

10. Worst September

2007-09-09T20:30:00.001-07:00

You curl yourself up on the bed,
Hiding beneath the thick wool covers,
You try to block off everything they've said,
Wondering where's the fiery passion of September,

You wake up thinking it's all a dream,
Until you notice the missing red car,
Things are so bad, worst than it seems,
But you walk out of the house bright as a star,

As you double up laughing at lame jokes,
You're screaming inside out of sorrow & terror,
As you're attentive and rapidly copying down notes,
You're wondering if it's come true, your worst fear,

The library's silence is unbearably deafening,
And your inner voices are taking advantage of it,
Chapter 2, Psychology, none of it is going in,
Your heart it hemorrhage, it bleeds,

You fill your ear with Sugarcult's Worst December,
You force your mind to absorb the words,
Tomorrow's the 11th of September,
Year after every damn year, it only gets worst.

Author's Note: i know it's not a nice poem. i feel so too. don't ask why i wrote this, go figure.

9. Why?

2007-09-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

She placed her guitar and smiled at me,
But looked away as she starts to sing,
For that one moment she’s all I want to see,
As music rang out with every plucked string,

Why? She sang out loud,
Where? She asked to all,
My silly grin came out more than allowed,
But deep down I wonder how deep for him she’d fall,

Then came the instrumental part,
Where music is set but words you define,
I found in her the beauty similar to her art,
But here I am, drawing a chalk line,

Why? I ask myself,
When? I shout out loud,
I’ll remove my heart and put it on my shelf,
Is it possible to feel without?

Author's Note: inspired by a song sang by a friend, our resident poet here as well, Pak Han Mei. please, don't misunderstand aight?

----------------
Now playing: Secondhand Serenade - Half Alive
via FoxyTunes

8. Flooding the World.

2007-09-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

I shiver as the September wind caressed my cheek,
How is it that September stayed this cold?
The temperature’s been freezing week after week,
But then life’s a bitch as I’ve been told,

Thick red leaves lined the avenue,
As steel chains bound my heart,
How I wish to start totally anew,
Like a virtual game where you hit “Restart”,

Soon the flakes will start to fall,
And all will be covered in a fleecy duvet,
Perhaps then I’ll finally visit St Paul,
There’s never a point when dwelling in regret,

But regardless the snow will still melt,
The temperature will at the end rise,
In life we all have to learn to be svelte,
So no point flooding the world with your cries.

Author's Note: i'm really tired. sleepy. i think somewhere along the lines i might have lost what i wanted to convey. but i did try not to lose it. anyways... yeah. enjoy and comment! even if you didn't enjoy!

was basically thinking of being in the States *as usual* and how it used to be my "Restart" button. leaving everything behind. was thinking about a cold september and the coming winter... how i'd feel, as if my heart's so heavy my feet is cemented to the ground. was thinking of how there's no point being emo and depressed when shit happens...

----------------
Now playing: Taking Back Sunday - One-Eighty By Summer
via FoxyTunes

7. Life's Current.

2007-09-07T07:53:00.001-07:00

I don’t think you really know,
What you’re really missing,
It’s okay I’ll take things slow,
After all love’s more than just kissing,

I’ll be a gentleman really I’ll try,
I’ll do my best by asking fewer questions,
I’ll even keep myself from staring into your eye,
Heck, I’ll even keep that silly smile off my expression,

I’m definitely not all that you want,
Because you’re so much more than I’ll ever be,
But emotions are always more puissant,
And the future’s something we cannot see,

We’ll slap each other,
And stomp off coldly,
But then we end up crying together,
Cause arguments are just so silly,

And I’ll grow a little wiser,
And you’ll be a little more tolerant,
We’ll improve each other,
Move together in life’s flowing current.

Author's Note: you can look at this both ways. which i do. firstly it can be a corny love poem dedicated to your lover/crush/partner. or it could be dedicated to your bestfriend as well. and in both cases while it may seem like it's implying for a relationship, i really don't think so. cause that wasn't what i had in mind. though i do wish to blend the lines and see who would actually see it the way i do.

----------------
Now playing: Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without The E (acoustic)
via FoxyTunes

6. Eyes.

2007-09-06T05:55:00.001-07:00

In the dimming moonlight,
Nothing else shines quite as bright,
Your eyes they draw me in,
Such beauty should be a sin,

Your eyes they tell a story,
Of your sorrow, your inner beauty,
Behind those eyes lies your fire,
Such strength in a person, that I admire,

Your eyes they always glimmer,
As if there’s nothing you will fear,
They send shivers down my spine,
Goodness what’s gone wrong with my mind?

And I’m still describing your eyes,
Already carried away aren’t I?
Have yet to even begin on your smile,
Ogling so badly really isn’t my style…

Author's Note: i'm attracted to eyes. girl's eyes. hehe. i didn't realize that until today so yeah.

----------------
Now playing: Various Artists - Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks
via FoxyTunes

5. Storytelling.

2007-09-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

You step upstage and face the deafening silence,
All eyes drawn as you try to straighten your tie,
Their attention enough to give me 4th degree burns,
Gone are the days where you can just go and say “Hi!”

Slowly you try to ease your nervousness away,
You adjust the microphone and lay down your notes,
All the confidence and smiles are but for display,
My oh my what’s this thing blocking my throat?!

You think of all the preparation you’ve done,
And with a flash you make up your mind,
“Even if I screw up so what? Least I had fun!”
Big sincere smile cause things will be fine!

Slowly your smile diminishes into a grim line,
Your eyes they glaze over as you being yourself,
With a deep voice you tell the crowd it’s time,
Time to see through the eyes of someone else,

The story of the man, who stood by Clemens Garden,
As he seriously contemplated felo-de-se,
Slowly you end, knowing you’ve hit the right button,
After all you’re the best, as everyone would say.

Author's Note: no particular message actually. just thought of public speaking, my suicidal stories and basically just telling a story and getting positive feedback. oh my my. are these actually my unconscious mind speaking out to me? what was Sigmund Freud's technique again? where you're supposed to let your unconscious mind speak and all...?

okay, no psycho lesson. anyways, yeah. just supposed to entertain which i hope it did.

btws, Clemens Garden is also the setting for my short story of sorts, Perhaps. hehe.

----------------
Now playing: Our Lady Peace - Sorry
via FoxyTunes

4. Forever Cursed.

2007-09-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

The air was filled with dust as the door opened,
The naked bulb casting forlorn shadows around,
A depressing sight to welcome my return,
My breathing, my heartbeat, the only audible sound,

I took a few glances and came memories of that one Fall,
Before the sob the tears inevitably came first,
With a touch I flicked the yellowed switch by the wall,
And let out a sobbing sigh as I was thrust into darkness,

The room once my refuge, my haven, my retreat,
Now a derelict room that serves no purpose,
How I wish the decisions I’ve made I can repeat,
Time, what a curse.

Author's Note: I was just thinking of how i might feel when i come back during the Fall period in a few year's time. as in, come back from my studies in the States. How i might feel regret and sorrow and nostalgia.

unsure if it makes much sense, or if it's relatable to the message i'm trying to convey. but oh wells.

----------------
Now playing: The Juliana Theory - The Hardest Things
via FoxyTunes

3. Blinded.

2007-09-03T08:26:00.001-07:00

Like an analogue TV life faded to Black and White,
As I stood by the side of the street staring blankly away,
Everything else is different I am not for I’m in the right,
Why has things changed?! In such horrible disarray?!

As I pondered and pondered I realized something other,
Time it seems, have kindly decided to stop for me,
I didn't ask "Why?" but merely enjoyed this magical wonder,
For time has stopped, what else is there to worry?

But then someone roughly shook me awake,
Took away my shades and I saw color once more,
And time just zipped by and I was far too late,
It is too late to change anything, anymore...
________________________________________

Author's Note: Day 3.

Now, there are actually 2 messages I’m trying to convey here. And while I’m writing through a first person perspective, I’m not saying currently I’m despairing or that has happened to me. I merely... write through the first person perspective, to try and convey the message better. The reason I suddenly felt like sending this two message out... no idea. It just came to me.

1st message. It spoke of how life turned black and white. That life lost color. And that the persona was the only one who was right, correct, because... he/she isn't affected. Anyways, that's what the persona is feeling. So everything else is... weird. Unusual. Changed. And things like that.

But then verse 3, first 2 lines. Someone took of the persona's shades. And things became normal again. What I’m basically trying to say is... so often we find people have changed, or things have changed, and things like that. Perhaps... it’s cause we're seeing through shaded eyes? Perhaps, things didn't change? But how we viewed it has? Don’t be so quick to jump to answers.

2nd message. Time didn't stop. The persona merely stopped moving. Yet time moves on. People do that all the time. Stay stuck at one period of time. Ignore everything else. Particularly when in relationships, or when too happy over something. You get... careless. And when you finally realize? It’s too late. Time flew by.

Both message, talks about people blinding themselves, and never knowing they did that.

2. Regardless, Persevere.

2007-09-03T08:25:00.001-07:00

The falling leaves disturbed the serene surface,
The small ripple mimicking the echoes of my mind,
That one kiss, that one touch, the lingering taste,
I am the criminal, haunted by my one crime,

The flowing river the trickling streams,
No more the audience I am involved I’m the swimmer,
The rekindling of emotions I’m coming apart at the seams,
It burns from within this intense fever,

The thundering roar of the waterfall,
Drowns all, even the loudest of my inner voice,
I’ll let everything go as the view holds me in thrall,
To be free from the very responsibilities of choice,

The all encompassing merciless sea,
Its pristine beauty, its monstrous anger,
Forever could see us not you and me,
But like a man, regardless, I shall persevere.

Author's Note: my second post. obviously, the theme is... water. a pond, a river, a waterfall, the sea. water in reflection of my inner thoughts.

1st verse, have any one of you ever tasted the guilty pleasure that is a forbidden kiss? i have.

2nd verse, i'm getting myself involved. allowing my feelings to come to surface. no more suppressing.

3rd verse, everyone's secret dreams. to be free from the responsibilities of their own choice. their own conscience.

4th verse, regardless of the illusions and challenges, i WILL persevere.

----------------
Now playing: Imogen Heap - The Walk
via FoxyTunes

1. Forget Yesterday, Live Tomorrow.

2007-09-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

The beginning of the red month,
The turning of color and falling of leaves,
Not with a bang but a whimper it has begun,
Here I am smiling, foolish and naïve,

The temperature slowly dips,
As it vainly tries to follow my pace,
The chilling air the brush of illusionary lips,
A slow drizzle mixed with a salty taste,

Barely drenched but wet nonetheless,
I mark the beginning with a serene smile,
These tears have no reason, I have to profess,
But then need I? As I soothe my inner child?

I’ll retrace my steps around this foreign land,
The same thing I do to ease my sorrow,
September’s beginning marks a new plan,
Forget yesterday just to live for tomorrow.

Author's Note : the numeral in front represents the day of the month which i wrote the poem. since this is part of my personal project of sorts, Seasons of September *thanks pat for the title idea*. So obviously, #1, Sept 1st.

was actually thinking of the day when i was in St Cloud and there was a slight drizzle. and i thought of that particular day because the song Jersey by Mayday Parade was talking about Jersey being cold. so one thing led to another.

----------------
Now playing: The Honorary Title - Frame By Frame
via FoxyTunes

Pristine End

2007-08-09T04:59:00.000-07:00

He drifted across the pristine surface,
Ignorant of all the things around him,
The moon hung in the backdrop of space,
He felt so serene, as if it's a dream,

But with only the sound of nature,
What was a whisper is now a shout,
He drifted across the soothing water,
As tears formed and his eyes began to cloud,

He curled himself up and tightened his body,
The silence was deafening, the view was breathtaking,
He clasped his ankles to the weight, feeling dizzy,
Letting go of all his lungs was suffocating,

As his body convulsed for the last time,
All he felt was unbearable relief,
After this he'll really be fine,
With this ending no more will she be missed.

Blissful End

2007-08-08T02:22:00.001-07:00

I shall not dwell on her, no more,
I've gone too far and come undone,
too much feelings in these memories I store,
the unoriginal words of a broken hearted one,

Plagued by her shadows her laughter her touch,
i resort to my bed hiding beneath the covers,
even this holds memories? this is too much,
the hours we lay on this bed together,

I took flight from my room, and out the gate,
I started the car and raced for the line,
Will i outrun her whisperings or is it my fate?
To have a part of her reside in my mind?

As the front of my car crumpled like a can,
I glimpsed myself on the rearview mirror,
No more will you see the tears of Ben,
A painfully blissful end to memories of her.

The Last Time.

2007-07-20T06:19:00.000-07:00

This will be the last time,
That I’ll willingly bleed for you,
Cause when I do it always seems like a crime,
Stabbing me, you’re the best at what you do,

This will be the last time,
That I’ll allow myself to wonder,
If I’m as worthless to you as a dime,
Cause I can’t swim and you love to take me under,

This will be the last time,
That I let myself trust and love someone,
For I’ve had my share of the grime,
While of the pleasures, none.

Payback?

2007-07-10T15:29:00.001-07:00

Girl don't you see you take things out on me?
as painful as it sounds that's what you're best at,
you abuse my feelings my pain my vulnerability,
and i'm a fool to think you'd take it all back,

i know i've put you through some serious shit,
but hell i change who i am with all my might,
you use on me all the mistakes i did,
why? just to hurt me out of your spite?

just because i've done them it justifies your actions?
have you forgotten why they're called misjudgement?
it's the part where you do something wrong and learn,
not slap me on the face and say "Your turn!"

Don't just say sorry and give me a hug,
Don't leave me hanging with a meaningless kiss,
you've used and abused me like a cheapskate rug,
my dear have you forgotten where your heart is?

To Hate, To Love, To Forget, A Memory.

2007-07-10T15:28:00.001-07:00

did i really have to work so hard?
for every touch every hug every kiss?
i've always thought that i've played my part,
yet with you everything's a hit and miss,

you were worth everything was what i said,
being the fool i was i just gave myself in,
but why am i trying to earn your feelings like a maid?
or perhaps you have forgotten what "girlfriend" means?

other than the sex we're just like strangers,
you'd come and go never meaning to stay,
and everytime you'll just give me a small stir,
leaving me wondering if you'll love me more one day,

there's only so much i can give,
before i announce bankruptcy,
love me like you did don't force me to leave,
To hate, to love, to forget, that memory.

I, We, If...

2007-06-28T23:50:00.001-07:00

I thought we'd be happy,
If only you were her instead,
Funny it took me so long to see,
Took me so long to get things straight,

I thought we could work things out,
If only she'd take things like you do,
We don't fight we don't argue we don't shout,
I'm always left standing there with no clue,

I thought we could trust each other,
If only she's as true as you,
It's no my fault i can't always be near her,
Why couldn't she keep her word and stay true?

I thought'd we'd be like cookies and tea,
If only I changed myself,
But then you asked if she's in love with me,
Or perhaps the image of someone else...?

Facade

2007-05-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Beneath the dead cold concrete sky,
Bathed in the serene evening gloom,
Is it that much a surprise that he asks why,
that so good a friend left so soon?

Contemplating in a modern futuristic carriage,
The stars aground blinding the damning night,
He shows the truth behind the magnificent stage,
Only now will a person see the heart in blight,

In silence and solitude he floods the night away,
Painfully, in excruciation, he let's loose all carnage,
Yet when greeting the serene dawn of a new day,
The facade is re-assumed, gone is the torn page...

Beyond Comprehension

2007-04-30T07:14:00.000-07:00

I realised i now that it matters not,
Not now not ever not anymore,
Those intimate little forget-me-nots,
All littered on the pavement floor,

Remember what used to be our song?
The one we sang with such passion?
Sadly for me those sweet days are gone,
The reason behind it though is beyond my comprehension,

i gave you my heart on a string,
When i should have locked it in a vault,
what happened werent something i had foreseen,
Aint no one's but my own pitiful fault.

Refused to See

2007-04-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

what's happened to what we had?
truly the answer i have not,
how did things get so horribly bad?
it would have helped if we actually fought,

i'd like to say it was you,
who gave up this friendship,
but then again it wouldn't be true,
but why did i lose what i tried to keep?

i kept stressing you've changed,
but then again everyone does,
maybe you just got outta my range,
and too hard i wanted things to last,

i guess in the very end,
i would have to say it was me,
our friendship was just spent,
something i refused to see...

The Poet That Walked

2007-01-09T03:54:00.000-08:00

The poet that walks away,
leaves more than just words,
he may live for many days,
but suffers and emotional hurt,

the poet that walks away,
is left with only a shell,
he is left with nothing to portray,
only emptiness that echoes like a bell,

the poet that walks away,
from what makes him a poet,
he will never ever be okay,
cause what is he without the words?

i walked away,
and whole i am not,
chipped away day by day,
who will save me before i rot...?

Her

2006-11-23T02:30:00.000-08:00

Her
a lame poem written during exam. hope my later ones will be better

The notes infront of her,
as she intently memorised,
but my heartbeat is all i hear,
as it's tempo begin to rise,

her arms around mine,
her body next to me,
Aint she just so fine,
Perfection is all i see,

her head lies at my shoulder,
and i feel her silky hair,
i wrap my arms around her,
and for awhile, that's all i care...

Who Do You See?

2006-11-15T01:11:00.000-08:00

Who Do You See?

Look at me for a second,
Tell me who do you see?
If you say you see Ben,
Then is every Ben me?

Look at me for a second,
And tell me who you see,
If you say you see a friend,
Pray tell for now or eternity?

Look at me for a second,
Who do you see?
If you start thinkin of the song Stan,
Perhaps i'm your enemy?

I'll Look in the mirror for a second,
and i'll tell you what i see,
i see a piece of unexplored lane,
awaiting future opportunities,

So tell me,
Who Do You See?

Winter Abroad

2006-09-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

*something i cooked up during exam.*

He sits by the window,
Watching as it begins to snow,
Oh! How he had dreamt of this,
The unbelievably cold white fleece...

Yet joy was not present in his mind,
As the day slowly starts to unwind,
For all he felt was a great deal of loneliness,
Seeking knowledge in a country of strangers....

She said to him it's for a brighter future,
That's how he ended up here,
Yet the pain's so sharp and raw,
The tears, they won't cease to fall...

Homes

2006-09-13T01:11:00.000-07:00

There used to be laughter,
It Used to be warm,
Now there's nothing i can hear,
where'd the coldness come from?

the humm of the washing machine,
the pitch of the boiling kettle,
home, this has been,
now but a mere shelter,

they say home is where the heart is,
they say home represents family,
so where's my sanctuary where's my peace?
where's may you be? my beloved family?

*kinda sucks. save for the last stanza in my opinion.*

Even Angels Need Someone

2006-08-16T05:30:00.000-07:00

*also pretty obvious. and i still think it sucks.*

You walk around with a smile,
Everytime anytime i can hear your laughter,
You seem as carefree as a child,
But what's behind the scene ain't clear,

I'm standing at your heart's door,
But i've only got two things to offer,
My heart and honesty and nothing more,
and it doesnt matter what answer you give dear,

You hide your confusion behind a solid wall,
You throw your feelings into the cold night,
But know that i'll be there if you ever call,
I'll mend your heart and make everything alright.

Royal Apology

2006-08-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

*i think it's obvious who this is dedicated to. this poem sucks. lol.*

You say that you're alright,
And at that time i know you are,
But when you're alone late at night.
Can you honestly tell me i left no scar?

I'm sorry i can't give you my heart,
I'm sorry i can't guarantee my presence,
I'm sorry this thing between us can't start,
And yeah i know how the tears burn,

There's nothing good about a goodbye,
Even though we're falling apart,
I don't ever want to make you cry,
I'm really sorry i can't give you my heart.

Devil

2006-08-10T07:28:00.000-07:00

Devil

Hold my breath and count to four,
bloody hell i don't wanna feel no more,
the more you feel the more you hurt,
slit my wrist and take my blood,

end my pain please let me go,
i feel so numb i feel so cold,
so many things aint what it seem,
i sleep with nightmare no more dreams,

i feel so lonely i feel so torn,
somehow i wish i've never been born,
i'm but a mistake an accident,
douse me in kerosene and lemme burn,

let me give up let this end,
some scars can never mend,
my face is layered with dry tears,
things aint what it appears.

*feeling pessimistic. and pissed. and everything else. humming Devil in a Midnight Mass while writing this.*

Work of Art

2006-07-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

I witnessed nature's beauty,
A maginificent vista,
An image etched into memory,
Earth's closest star,

it hung peacefully,
Seemingly only above tree tops,
it gives a sense of peaceful serenity,
An orange fireball with a purple backdrop,

It soothed my aching pain,
It warmed my frozen heart,
beauty in a scene so plain,
the perfect work of art...

Dad

2006-06-20T04:22:00.001-07:00

It takes more than just biology,
To make you my father,
It was just only recently,
That i began to hold you dear,

For many long years,
I looked at you with anger,
i've shed so many tears,
For everytime you weren't here,

But finally i see through,
The false image you show,
I've never walked in your shoe,
Yet slowly i start to know,

You are only human,
I should have understood that,
So now it is my turn,
To say, I Love You, Dad.

Indecisively Indecisive

2006-06-14T00:03:00.000-07:00

I am indecisively decisive,
and that rings oh so true,
it makes me wanna go jump off a cliff,
everything has changed yet nothing new,

I am indecisively decisive,
so which on am i?
oh confusion please just leave,
or do i have to go down and cry?

I am indecisively decisive,
and i can't stant it anymore,
i don't wanna revert to a pessimist,
i don't know anything anymore...

Road

2006-06-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

i look out my window into the darkness,
in the distance i see a flickering light,
so weak you don't see it at first,
challenging the almighty eternal night,

yet i wonder if it'll just cease to exist,
as it flickers faster and faster,
but suprisingly it holds on and persists,
in a burst of light it glows brighter than ever,

my mood is as dark as the encompassing midnight,
my virtues are but a diminishing light,
yet the scene i saw gave a flicker of hope,
things may change, for this is but the beginning of my Road.

Nothing If Not Persistent

2006-05-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing If Not Persistent©

I don't blame you for these emotions i'm feeling,
But you do give signals that's so damn misleading,
humble lil me have a crush on you and i'm supersensitive,
and by gosh your signals are confusing what should i believe?

Maybe you're just a very friendly person,
Well when i find out it'll be a lesson i'll learn,
Right now i'm so infatuated by you,
Cause girls like you are simply so rare and few,

You're like the girl people always sees in the movie,
So perfectly perfect yet standing right beside me,
You've got the body of a seductress but the heart of an angel,
You've got no idea how deeply i wish you're my girl,

But alas you subtlely told me to clear off,
Politely saying "Ben take a hike up north!"
However there is an important thing i've learned,
I, Kai, Am Nothing If Not Persistent!!!

*something i cooked up during exam again. lol*

Know Your Numbers

2006-05-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

One glance was all that it takes,
Two seconds and my heart starts to break,
Three words that i'm not brave enough to say,
Four letters that will have to wait another day,

Five days out of every single week,
Six hours is less than what i need,
Seven Days and nights i can't stop thinking,
Eight years and i'll still be here waiting.

*just a simple something i cooked up during exam. inspired by Jonas Brother's 6 minutes*

Finally See

2006-04-24T08:24:00.001-07:00

I told you there can be no us,
i'm a shallow pathetic person,
the pain i felt when my heart burst,
it's still there my heart burns,

i want to be strictly friends,
nothing more and nothing less,
but you keep on pushing things man,
so i guess what i did was for the best,

for whom's i cannot say,
but at least now i'm slightly at peace,
i think of u once in awhile not everyday,
i feel a mixture of feelings but i do not miss,

for the things i said i'm terribly sorry,
you just won't listen you forced me,
i hope one day you'll finally see,
how the words i said hurted me...

Perfection at it's Best

2006-03-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

hair darker than the dark night,
but passion as hot as fire,
she ain't a person to back off a fight,
beauty and brains altogether,

a person of unsurpassed beauty,
she makes Jessica alba look like a pest,
she's the only thing other guys wanna see,
Perfection at it's best,

jerks n bastards leave her alone!
freaking assholes stay away!
disturb her and i'll skin you to your bone!
piss her off and that'll be your last day!

she's so close and yet so far from me,
oh how i terribly miss her,
a year seems an eternity,
i really miss my dear sister....

Your Last...

2006-02-23T01:47:00.000-08:00

*this poem isn't that nice i guess. but i wanna submit it to the UK poetry society. to me... this poem kinda talks about what happens everywhere in the world...*

You never realise,
Of time's importance,
You never know the high price,
You'll pay for this ignorance,

As you await for your end,
Old and tired and weak,
You think of the time you've never spent,
With your family every week,

You regret what you've never said,
You regret what you've never done,
The price of ignorance will now be paid,
The end for you has begun,

Yet they are here this moment,
Forgiving you of your past,
You feel your time is spent and burnt,
Sadly this breath is of your last...

Food For Thought.

2006-02-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

Like everyone else that walks and breathes,
I stand now at one of life's memorable crossroads,
I'm face with the decision of what life i want to live,
My decision in making my future out of my hopes,

Some people are forced by their parents,
Some people don't really give a damn,
Thankfully my parents allowed me this decision,
It's a heavy responsibility but proud i shall make them,

I'm thinking seriously i'm considering hard,
The path to take and the dreams to chase,
I'm worried and confused but i believe in my heart,
I'm confident it'll lead me to brighter days,

I'll start with an appetizer of Direction,
Then head to the main dish of Great Contentment,
Marinated in a sauce called Love & Affection,
Lastly desserts of Memorable Achievements...

True Immortality

2006-01-16T04:04:00.000-08:00

I sit in my silent room,
struggling to release my emotions,
to clean up my pain with a broom,
and slowly my fingers came to motion,

i'm still having troubles writing,
and it hurts oh so ever more,
when my sorrows are internally bleeding,
why can't i write it out anymore?!

tears silently carve a stream on my cheeks,
as troubles start to stack up again,
someone save me i am small and i am meek,
my sanity no more can i sustain,

writing is my only form of sacntuary,
it is my world of perfect simplicity,
a place i escape from the harsh reality
in that world i achieve...True Immortality...

Faded Picture.

2005-12-22T09:17:00.000-08:00

He walks into the dusty old room,
a room that's empty save for a few objects,
years have made it gain an eery gloom,
a sad look around shows not much to pack,

he sees a fading picture and picks it up,
junk to others but priceless to him,
the picture shows a simple family closeup,
finally he knows time flies faster than it seems,

these tears of his isn't the first,
but when he leaves something is amiss,
finally he understands and realises,
how important a family truely is...

Life's Only Certainty

2005-12-15T10:13:00.000-08:00

i'm crushless and yet it sucks,
in a way so simple i cannot comprehend,
all the feelings i wanna say is stuck,
i feel so messed up since god knows when,

i feel useless and pathetic,
a piece of garbage floating in the sea,
an escape from reality is what i need,
into a perfect world concocted from my fantasy,

regrets are all i feel now,
no sense of satisfaction ever lasts,
no contentment, so tell me how???
like everyone else i want to relive the past,

i do not seek fame or fortune,
those are irrelevant in my dictionary of life,
what i wish is as simple as a baloon,
yet as elusive as eternal life,

i seek the sense of contentment and happiness,
the sense of feeling everything is worth it,
yet all i see now is a terrible curse,
in the form of Kai the useless shit,

sometimes i wish with all my heart,
that life would end with a simple bang for me,
at least then from troubles i depart,
and achieve life's only certainty....

Cryptic

2005-12-04T01:10:00.000-08:00

Do you control technology?
Or does it control you?
Think it slowly think it clearly,
We're powerless over it ain't it true?

We' all addicts whether you know or not,
And dang i'm hating it though i'm one too,
We're killing the world and then we'll rot,
Wish i can shout out a huge BOO!

The more i know that the more i hate it,
I've decided on somehing that's related to nature,
We're shoving sh*t on our face and we don't know it,
Even the worst catastrophe is nowhere near,

I'll try and work against it but i doubt i can,
If i can't at least i'll be more content,
After all i'm a weakling loser not a man,
Should be used to wasted energy i've spent.

Hardcore

2005-11-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

Once in awhile i get benny's block,
Can't write my feelings none at all,
what comes out is just pure crock,
Hurts as much as broken balls,

I vent my feelings through what i write,
when i can't it's clogged and it hurts,
it's like taking a one meter pipe,
and use it to whack your "bird",

forgive me for my weird metaphors,
like i said i can't write nothing properly,
and as the huge rain outside pours,
i'm getting so confused i'm giddy,

i wish for someone to be by my side,
but nothing lasts during the teenage years,
so these feelings i desperately hide,
and i'm a one man show against my fears,

ever woke up feelings totally displaced?
Not recognising anything around you?
these feelings drive me to that place,
and leaves me there alone without a clue,

oh i'm feeling so frustrated,
confused and messed up and so much more,
the useless person underneath the shirt,
feels this life is just too hardcore...

Pathetic

2005-11-18T07:55:00.000-08:00

Hands up with my palm outward,
it means i surrender and i give up,
all this things damn they hurt!
and i'm just tired and fed up,

As much as i like her there's nothing i can do,
just like when i was with yun,
i've got so much on my hands i'm like "shoo!"
sooner or later i'm gonna be locked up as a loon,

it sucks to see the things i work for going down,
just at the moment i wanted to start something new,
i've shouted and screamed and cried and frowned,
but no matter what i do it's still screwed,

i know i've said this soo many times before,
but i'm just so darn tired of all this shit,
but still it comes back more and more,
and all the decisions i make just doesn't seem fit!

you knoow that show 101 dalmations?
there's like so many doggies it's seems infinite right?
well this is similat cause it's 11 frustrations,
and they won't go even if i say "take a hike",

talk to someone whenever you have troubles,
well i talk to the oh-so-comforting mirror!
cause whoever i talk to would just pop like a bubble!
they'd run and do their best to disappear,

and shit does all this just suck like heck,
i was starting to be content and happy!
i was about to forget life sucks as a fact!
well screw that i'm never gonna be happy,

Damnit don't tell me i'm doing this!
Cause i was so bloody content with lifea week ago!
Someone had to come over and take a piss!
So fuck you ain't my fault you know!

Damn i'm starting to cry like shyt again!
life weren't perfect but good enough then!
and it hurts to seeeverything go down the drain,
i was about to paint a new image of BEN!

it just sucks so much man,
you try to change and you were doing ok,
and all of a sudden wham bam fck you mam!
you hear a voice saying "back to square one eh?"

my dreams are screwed and i'm a wreck,
gave up on everything including me myself and i,
c'mon man what the heck?
it hurts too much to see everything say bye bye,

many things i understand but i deny,
this one i just don't understand!
it ain't my fault so tell me WHY?!
here i am crying again the typical useless pathetic ben.

My Deja Vu

2005-11-10T04:08:00.000-08:00

A weird tingling feel down my spine,
a sense of slight unease coursing through,
for that moment there was no time,
my feet stuck to the ground like glue,

it was the sense of forebodding,
the sense of tresspassing the norm,
scary yet also unbelievably exciting,
as an idea came to form,

this uneasy yet exciting feeling,
this taken for granted situation,
it sends excitement through my being,
it shakes the mind's very foundation,

yet it is just unexplainable,
and it leaves me without a clue,
predicting the future is impossible,
so i'll just call this my Deja Vu.

2005-10-17T23:17:00.000-07:00

Not everything is simple as Black and White,
and i'm not gonna give up without a fight,
Dying in it's glory of fire and magic,
The phoenix's death is sweet and tragic,

I won't go down with a bended knee,
Even though i haven't found the magic key,
since i suffer might as well struggle till the end,
and if i can hold my ground i'll be a man!

Pessimist?

2005-10-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

I'm what people call a pessimist,
a person that thinks everything's piss,
but to tell the truth i don't think so,
i'm just tired of explaining everything like a show,

my parents brought me up differently,
and heck it was far from easy,
i grew up seeing what people don't,
i appreciate what most people won't,

growing up differently was torturing,
when everyone's having fun i was suffering,
but don't get me wrong what they did was right,
through pain i gained an unique insight,

that's why people call me disturbed,
benjamin teoh the introvert,
the person with a negative look on everything,
but i just see the truth of everything,

when i meant i see the truth,
i'm not being so big headed i go thru the roof,
i just see things in a different light,
which is grey and dark instead of white,

people tend to be bling to things they dislike,
they'll tell the thing "go take a hike",
what i do is i accept it as it is,
at the same time gaining the title "pessimist",

i'm not prud of alot of things in me,
cause a failure in life is what i see,
but the perspective i have in life i appreciate,
for that relativity is how Kai is made...

Unique

2005-10-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

It grabs my heart and tears my soul,
everytime leaving me horribly cold,
alone and shivering no one cares,
as i try to stay afloat in this nightmare,

I can laugh and mix around,
but until eternity i will be bound,
to this unsettling feeling of being lonely,
even if i'm in a place where people is all i can see,

for i feel i shall never blend in,
if i do it is but a lie to within,
people tell me be different be unique,
but instead of being great i end up a lonely prick,

what they say i do not agree,
what they enjoy i cannot see,
i do not wish to join them either,
but still there's this horrible fear,

i'm different but i'm not great,
i am but a useless rubbish people hate,
but if i cannot be great why be different?
and yet this decision i cannot turn,

i am brought up this way,
like a pot of different clay,
i see what other's usually don't,
i appreciate what other's won't,

i am grateful to be able to be like this,
but at times i really miss,
a sense of belonging,
it is such an alien feeling,

and yet no matter how different i am,
i am but the useless lousy Ben,
failure in all subjects and a loner,
everyday heart getting colder,

so what if i can see what other's don't,
or feel what other's won't,
when in the end a simple gate i can't open,
all i can do is watch my future burn,

along the way i lose my happiness,
i noticed it's not the first,
i feel genuinely happy lesser and lesser,
always feeling distant and colder,

a smile on my face,
my heart cold as space,
a laugh on my lips,
it is but an automaton that's fixed,

i am different and uncontent,
with all my feelings getting pent,
midlife crisis during my teen,
I'm lonely, sad, confused and depressed bout everything...

Eternal & Forever

2005-09-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

I've decided to leave everything,
And i've packed my suitcase,
but this tender and painful feeling,
keeps reminding me of your face,

I think i need a holiday,
from this eternal longing,
Maybe later i'll be back to stay,
but for now i wanna go missing,

You have no idea how painful it is,
When i'm stuck in the middle,
When i go will i be sorely missed?
Or not even a little?

My feelings for you are just as true,
As the sun that shines and the stars that twinkle,
That is why i leave the decision to you,
While these tears of mine flow like a river,

If it is no given willingly,
There's no point I stay here,
Cause i'll just be downright silly,
But my feelings are eternal and forever...

Lost and Found

2005-09-26T02:04:00.000-07:00

I was lying on the garden,
My dogs playing beside me,
This feeling came all of a sudden,
I felt so alone and lonely,

You don't see many stars nowadays,
Modern pollution made sure of that,
Yet the only star seems to say,
That it feels lonely and sad,

I can hear my fish pond to the right,
The fishes swimming so quietly,
It makes me wonder what she's doing tonight,
Is there a chance she's missing me?

Suddenly the moon shows it's face,
A glowing ball in the sky,
My feelings and thoughts are hazed,
And it is to her my heart fly,

A gust of wind rustles the tree,
All around me bugs start to call,
I dream of a world where she's with me,
walking together hand in hand in a mall,

I stand up and took a look around,
Feeling terribly sad and lonely,
I want to leave my heart at Lost & Found,
If only things were that easy....

Singer in the Pub

2005-09-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

The singer finishes singing and she walks out,
He feels a tear slowly falling out,
it's hard to hold the tears away,
as the night turns into day,

The pub is empty and everyone's leaving,
towards his home he is slowly driving,
lying on his bed he closes his eyes,
trying not to feel lonely and cry,

he wants to feel the warmth of her,
hopefully forever some where near,
he longs to kiss her flushed red cheek,
everyday of every week,

but she's somewhere far from him,
everynight it's her he dreams,
but he wonders how she feels,
the curiosity really kills,

but patience is a virtue he must learn,
or else his efforts would burn,
so patiently he awaits in the shadows,
helping her in whatever way he knows,

in hope that one day she'll notice,
that every song and poem of his,
is actually written specially for her,
in hope that one day they'll be together.

Another Has Been

2005-09-18T23:04:00.000-07:00

I'm such a stupid dumb pathetic shit,
won't even know i'm on a one way street,
racing on the road so happily,
there's nothing on the other side can't u see?

Just in case you're wondering,
natelline's gonna be another "has been",
i feel so darn horrible and sad,
feel like crying till i go mad,

stupid dumb pathetic idiotic asshole,
go home gonna listen to The Eminem Show,
gonna scream my lungs out,
till i'm hoarse and i can't shout.

Message From A Stranger

2005-09-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

I walked into a room and i saw him,
a person emitting an aura that'll make u scream,
he sits in a corner in a dark gloom,
doesn't even acknowledge my presence in the room,

Slowly and cautiously i walked forward,
At that moment i seriously acted like a coward,
but his sudden voice stopped me cold,
and the words hesaid swirled up in the dark emblazoned in gold,

Nothing lasts forever,
remember this advice from a stranger,
and eternity only awaits those,
that has been pricked by the thorn of a rose,

It made no sense to me at all,
and i started to run out the door,
but i stopped and turned around at the end,
and saw the true face.... of Ben....

*wrote this for fun, but at the same time to remind myself, nothing lasts forever, but still eternity will await those, that has been pricked by the rose, which means, people that get hurt, can actually reach eternity, but the eternity i speak of is of the mental word, eternal bliss, for wisdom comes only through painful experiences. understand it? The reason in the end it was the true face of Ben is because it's my advice to myself, and the words emblazoned in gold yet in a gloomy room, for life is a dark and unfair experience, and gold is something precious, something to be remembered, appreciated, the words in gold because i believe this is important. I also said, a person emitting an aura that makes you wanna scream, that makes you think of a scary person right? But look, in the end, he gave GOOD advice, painful advice, but GOOD and True. Appearances can be misleading.And i said up there, walked slowly and cautiously, acting like a coward, because sometimes people play things too safely, including me, and most of the time, people are willing to close their eyes against the truth, Truth Hurts.

Nothing Lasts Forever,
The Advice From A Stranger,
Eternity only awaits Those,
Pricked By A Rose....

A truth, that hurts.